Distracted

Some people run to chocolate or ice cream, others turn to movies, a lot of people use sleep. But when I'm stressed I reach for my laptop. I can waste so much time doing absolutely nothing on it. It seems every now and again I lay in bed and wonder why it doesn't feel like I ever make any forward movement. My life always feels so busy and full...but whenever I stop to think of what it is that is making me so "busy" I realize that if I wasn't so distracted I would probably have plenty of time to do what is required of me and still have a little left over.

I've really been struggling with the realization of how distracted I am. I come home and turn the TV on just because. When "nothing is on" I reach for my laptop. StumbleUpon is the devil...I literally just sit and kill time, only to lament that I don't have enough time to accomplish "everything I need to do". What a stupid cycle. I hate it...until I try to give it up.

Naturally the Christmas season only fuels my thought process. I went to Best Buy to get an co-ax adapter (it keeps pulling away from the wall, interfering with TV and Internet signals which, naturally, can not be tolerated).

Yeah yeah...my stories of seeing grown people publicly and physically fight over cheap, meaningless crap aren't a shock to anyone. And I'm obviously not the first person to note the obvious irony of thousands of people rushing around in search of items to hoard while "Silent Night" blares from speakers in the ceiling.

But this year a new-to-me thought hit me while I was standing in line to check out: "This place is a media crack house." That is to say that everybody here is looking for a distraction fix whether for themselves or for somebody else. It's super wack, really. I mean I bet most of the people in here didn't even come with anything specific in mind. They are just aimlessly browsing around picking up DVD's, rubbing their chins while reading specs on the side of an LED TV box, wandering back and forth between the cameras and computers, and assuring themselves out loud that "yeah, I think he'll really like it..."

I'm no different. Heck, my whole purpose in coming here was to fix my favorite distractions waiting for me at home.

Here's a horrifying thought: What if my computer broke? What if the TV quit working? What if my phone got turned off? Or, most simply, what if the power went off for a month?

I get the feeling that my number one concern wouldn't be figuring out how to keep my FOOD from going bad.

So here it is. Two forces that are juxtaposed in my life. 

I beg God to be present and active in my life. To show me direction. To give me clarity. To shape and mold me into a better person. And I genuinely mean it.

But then I get distracted...like a baby who sees something shiny. I turn up the volume. I surf TV channels and the internet like the tide is coming in. I fling birds at pig fortresses for hours on my phone...and for what?

It would be a miracle if I heard Him shouting...much less speaking in a still, small voice...

God, trying to serve two masters is exhausting. Please break these chains. De-clutter my life. Help me to let go of these distractions, not just for the sake of letting something go, but for the sake of gaining clarity, purpose, and passion for things that last.