Two Holidays

It seems that every passing year brings with it a little more irony to the Holiday Season. Our level of thanksgiving is determined by how much we are able to consume at 1 AM on Black Friday and the “Spirit of Giving” is eclipsed by the spirit of competition. 

I mean, how many kids will get “exactly what they wanted” this Christmas, only to continue experience the pain of loneliness as the excitement wears off and they find themselves in a house full of toys but no parents? How many parents will end up in court this January for either assault and battery or bankruptcy because they mistakenly thought happiness could be bought, and half price must translate to twice the merchandise.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to have a story of grown adults physically fighting over the last item in the sale bin while melodies of “peace on earth and goodwill towards men” waft down from the speakers above and I certainly won’t be the last.

But what is it about celebrating the birth of Jesus that makes so many people act like the Devil?

In truth, there are two holiday seasons happening right now. One celebrates the birth of the Savior; the other celebrates all the things He came to save us from. In Matthew chapter 6, Jesus teaches “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” A few minutes later he tells his listeners to reject the frenzy and exhaustion that comes along with trying to provide for oneself and instead “make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.”

So which Holiday Season are you celebrating this year? A Thanksgiving dedicated to gluttony, a Christmas dedicated to greed, and a New Year’s dedicated to working off the consequences of the first two? Or will you show thankfulness through giving back, will you celebrate the birth of Salvation by giving others grace, and rejoice over the realization that heaven is one year closer on January 1?

Worrying about stuff this Holiday Season won’t add a single moment to your life. Worrying about the Kingdom of Heaven could add an eternity.

Jesus, help me never to confuse what I see around me right now with the sacrifice you made to open heaven's doors to me. Guide my eyes beyond a hollowness of possessions and fix them on the grandeur of Heaven. Amen.

Party Like an Astronaut

I took some time over the weekend to get in the lab and make some magic...here's what happened...

"Show Me a Sign" (John 6:22-40 DKV)

²² Donnie had seen that the disciples had taken the only car, and realized Jesus had not gone with them. ²³ Several cars from Berrien Springs began to arrive near the place where the Lord had blessed the bread and the people had eaten. ²⁴ So when Donnie saw that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there, he got into his car and drove to Chicago to look for him. ²⁵ Donnie found him on the other side of Lake Michigan and asked, “Rabbi, when did you get here?”

²⁶ Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, you want to be with me because I fed you, not because you understood the miraculous signs. ²⁷ But don’t be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man can give you. For God the Father has given me the seal of his approval.”

²⁸ Donnie replied, “I want to perform God’s works, too. What should I do?”

²⁹ Jesus told him, “This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.”

³⁰ Donnie answered, “Show me a miraculous sign if you want me to believe in you. What can you do? 
³¹ After all, my ancestors ate manna while they journeyed through the wilderness! The Scriptures say, ‘Moses gave them bread from heaven to eat.’”

³² Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, Moses didn’t give you bread from heaven. My Father did. And now he offers you the true bread from heaven. ³³ The true bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.”

³⁴ “Sir,” Donnie said, “give me that bread every day.”

³⁵ Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. ³⁶ But you haven’t believed in me even though you have seen me.

  ³⁷ However, those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them. ³⁸ For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will. ³⁹ And this is the will of God, that I should not lose even one of all those he has given me, but that I should raise them up at the last day. ⁴⁰ For it is my Father’s will that all who see his Son and believe in him should have eternal life. I will raise them up at the last day.”


Jesus, it must be so disappointing to see how your children never change. Forgive me for seeking you out only when I need a miracle. Give me the eyes to see through the temporal and into the eternal. Strengthen my faith, it is so weak. Sustain me, Jesus, however you see as best. Amen.

Death & Taxes

If death & taxes are certain, than taxes will most likely cause my death. Rachel and I made our yearly pilgrimage to H&R Block this afternoon not quite sure what to expect. Two years ago we got a large refund from the federal government. Last year we broke even...except for CA State taxes...of course we've been paying those every year.

After pulling up to the front of the building we bowed our heads for a quick prayer...it seemed like the right thing to do.

"God please help this to go ok."

The lady seemed nice enough. She chattered with us about the rain outside as she pecked our W2's into the system. We told her about how we ended up in MI from CA...man I'm tired of people flipping out about us living in Yosemite.

She finishes entering the paperwork we've brought and waits for the computer to crunch the numbers. Rachel and I glance at each other...like people do in the movies...right before they die.

"It looks like you'll have a balance due..." I tune out her voice because I am reading the numbers on her computer screen.

MI State = We owe $48...meh
CA State = We owe $222...danget...every time
Federal = We owe...$1338?!?! What the crap?!

Rachel looks like she might throw up. Suddenly we don't feel so chatty. The lady can tell we didn't see it coming. Now is as good of time as any.

"Aaannnnndddddd your H&R Block fees come to...$298"

Oh wow...we walked in hoping to get something back...we leave trying to figure out where the nearly $2000 will come from before April 17. We spend the rest of the afternoon trying to distract ourselves from the sick feeling in our stomachs. Ever wonder what music inspired by debt depression sounds like?




"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. ² Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation." (Hebrews 11:1,2 NLT)

Well, hooray for them. 

But I suck at faith...it doesn't mix well with pessimism. More often than not I find myself more confident that God won't come through for me than I am that He will. I mean, why should He? He doesn't owe me anything...and suffering is supposed to be good for me, right? I'm a spoiled American anyhow...God already has helped me. He let me be born here. 


A few weeks ago found me joking with friends about "Name It and Claim It" theology. Now I wish it were that simple. Sadly, even if it were I still wouldn't have enough faith for it. 


It's one thing to sit in our Honda and bow our heads like good Christians to thank God in advance for providing a way when there seems to be none...it's quite another to get out of our Honda confident that He actually will. And so I set to work looking at our bank accounts and reading 2012 tax law to discern our payment options. It's an answer to prayer if it gets paid at all right? It's not like a check for the exact amount is just going to magically show up in our mailbox. That kind of thing only happens to other people. 


Faith. It means intentionally leaving room for God to show Himself mighty. It means not having a 'Plan B' in case He doesn't show up because I'm so confident that He will. It means being vulnerable to forces outside of my control. It means trust. 


I suck at all those things...and as with most of my life's discrepancies I find the distance between articulating the problem and having the courage to live the solution is greater than personal safety recommends. I'd like to confidently type, "Update on God's provision coming soon! Stay tuned!" But in the back of my mind I'm already writing up Craigslist ads to raise the money myself. 


Death & taxes...I'm told faith can conquer both. Now all I need to do is believe it...


Oh God, how desperately I need faith. No matter how hard I try I cannot generate it on my own. Please give me the courage to step aside and watch you calm this storm. Show Yourself mighty in this crisis and do not let me forget it when You do. Complete this work you began in me. You are faithful, Father...please make me faithful. Amen.  

I Will...

I do not know how it began, but I know it did.

 I do not know how it will end, but I know it will.

I don't know where I am going, but I'm on my way.

I don't know who I will be, but I will not be that guy.

 I will fall, and I will rise.

But no matter what...I will. Yes. I will.

- Andrea Keele
(Gravy Machine Ghost Writer)

Theology of Justin Beiber

I hate doing homework...especially when there isn't immediate pressure to finish it. This semester I've found myself doing almost anything to avoid doing assignments but last week I hit a new low.

Rachel signed us up for a Netflix trial...something I'm not too excited about since we dropped them last summer out of principle. Still, I thought I'd hop on to see if their streaming options had gotten any better. They haven't. Truth told I was wanting to watch one of the Star Wars episodes or Avatard to escape the reality that Michigan is overwhelmingly dull this time of year. I've found that there's nothing quite like a good old-fashioned Drone Army battle or Mountain Banshee taming to get your mind off anything you are dissatisfied with in real life. I digress.

Since Netflix won't stream those movies until 2050, I began diving though Netflix's rather large digital dumpster until I landed on "Justin Bieber: Never Say Never", a documentary of a young Canadian's fast track to puberty...er...stardom, with the finale being a sold out show of New York City's Madison Square Garden, the unarguable sign that an artist has indeed "arrived".

I feel like most people who hate Justin Bieber do so only because they can't be him...it certainly can't be because he isn't talented. He had better rhythm as a 3 year old than most people do as adults, he proficiently plays several instruments, and how could one forget that breathtaking voice that liquifies any 9 - 15 year old female heart within earshot? I'm no different from the rest of the naysayers who go out of their way to dislike his videos on youtube. I'm jealous. Heck, I'd settle just to get my hair to do that immaculate swoop thing. No? Could I at least get a jacket with a diagonal zipper? Some people have all the luck...

As far as documentaries go, it wasn't half bad...at least the 30 minutes that I saw. Aside from Americans being total idiots, I can see why he has such a massive fan base. Who knew that a few videos posted on YouTube could lead to being an international sensation? It didn't come without effort, to be sure (I was actually pretty surprised at how hard he worked to promote himself across the country), but isn't the hardest part just getting noticed?

The alarm on my phone telling me I have 15 minutes to get to a Greek study session pulls me out of my stadium seat and plops me firmly back on the futon in our living room. Too bad...he was just getting ready to give some city the privilege of having "One Less Lonely Girl."

A few minutes later finds me putting along to Andrews rather unenthusiastically. I hadn't been taken to a distant, action-packed planet, but the documentary did succeed in pulling me out of my reality and coming back was finding me very dissatisfied. I mean, who doesn't want to be the person to sell out Madison Square Garden in 22 minutes? I had only seen a half hour of Justin Bieber's life but apparently it doesn't take very long to wish I could trade grad school for millions of fans...and dollars.

"There's a lot of people that are discouraging in life and that will tell you you can't do something, but you just got to remember that the sky's the limit..." Thanks J-dawgs. In fact, I'd love to "follow my dreams"...it's just that I'm too busy following this pesky calling.

And herein lies the two conflicting theologies of my life. One tells me to follow my dreams because it will make me happy. Because if I work hard at it I can see the fruits of my labor. I can become successful. I can become secure in my finances. I might even pick up a few admirers along the way.

The other tells me to follow my calling, not because it will always make me happy, but because it will leave me satisfied. Chances are good I will work hard and never see any results. Success is defined rather differently, I will probably lose some sleep over where needed money will come from, and admirers will probably be replaced with lumberjacks trying to chop me down at the knee.

It seems that there is a reason that dreams and callings rarely align. Dreams are chosen, callings are issued. And while it seems obvious which I should choose, my preconceived human notion that happiness is a tangible that can be bought and sold is a hard habit to break. My Bible says be content, my heart says be rich. My bible says be at peace, my heart says pay the bills. My Bible says to let my paths be directed, my heart says to choose my path. And no matter how many times I commit myself to my calling, if indeed this is my calling, I always end up catching myself day-dreaming of a Justin Bieber-style life. No more homework. No more car payment. No more small apartment. No more Michigan...all the things that make life hard would be gone and nothing would stand between me and happiness...except for myself. I'm so temporal.

So who's theology to study? Justin Bieber, overnight sensation and pop-star extraordinaire, who bids me to follow my dreams? Or God, supreme ruler of the universe and loving friend, who bids me to follow His call? The spirit is willing...but the flesh is so frustratingly weak.


Father, help me to recognize my human nature for what it is and give me the strength to follow your voice, even when it feels like I'm being led into the desert. Help me to trust you to provide for my needs. Change my mentality.


And send Jesus soon...I can't stand it here much longer...

You Know What It Is...

So a few weeks ago I dipped in to my slush fund...well...drained my slush fund...to purchase my very own MIDI control unit by Arturia. It came with some cool production software and a host of synths but also with a decently steep learning curve.

Ableton Live is probably a pretty sweet program...but after several hours of watching youtube tutorials and clicking around...it just didn't seem to be coming together. I'm sure the problem is me...but I don't have time to fix it.

So short story long...hooray for Logic Pro! I finally figured out how to integrate the synth software with Logic with some pretty sweet results. I'm no Dr. Dre but I felt pretty good with the results after a couple of hours. Check it out.



I'm thinking about dropping some rhymes about Andrews...akin to the famous "423 Fa Life" that featured all the best aspects of Southern. However, I'm finding it a bit difficult to brag on a place I'm not super excited about...meh...we'll see.